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Flag - UK The Final Frontier
11 June 2000

The plane came in for the final approach, ploughing through the grey clouds. At last, after almost a year away, good old Blighty came into sight once again.

As we reclined, drinks in hand (but with seat belts fastened and tables in the upright position, of course), we reflected on a fantastic and eye-opening trip. We tried, but it was impossible, to agree on a favourite place or time. Many great ones, and all special for different reasons.

Instead what we managed to agree on were the things about home that we'd missed. We reckoned we could admit to these pangs of desire with only a few hours of our trip left. Our goal was to make them into a new version of "These are a few of my favourite things" as sung by Julie Andrews in 'Mary Poppins', but the in-flight alcohol stifled that rash impulse to try such a complex task. So, as a simple list, these are what we can't wait to 'enjoy':

  • Bathrooms - with hot showers that are HOT, that you don't have to wear flip flops in, and god forbid - a bath.
  • Toilets - with seats, that flush, and can handle that complex matter which is toilet roll. And that don't have frogs living in them.
  • Clean teeth - that can be cleaned with tap (not bottled) water, that aren't constantly subjected to ridiculously sugary drinks, and seeing the dentist.
  • Food - that we recognise, salads and vegetables served up in restaurants that are SAFE to eat, ordering specific types of meat rather than the worryingly anonymous and all-encompassing 'con carne' - in fact, just ordering anything and not being surprised by what's served up.
  • People - who aren't completely intrigued by our every move, and seeing family and friends again.
  • Roads - with tarmac, and driving rules that we recognise.
  • Clothes - just to have a choice beyond those SAME smelly SAME old SAME clothes that we've been carting around for ages, and that definitely includes sandals!

Upon landing we concluded that we were older, hopefully wiser, balder (J) and greyer (K) - and we wouldn't change it for the world. And with that we went off to live happily ever after.

THE END

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